Chapter Text
“She’s been sleeping the entire time you were gone.”
“But her condition has improved?”
Were they speaking about her?
“Yes, she’s much more stable after I’ve administered some medication. Her fever is almost completely gone, so no more need for cold compresses as well.”
Ah, they must be speaking about her. She remembered something about a fever. She cracked open her heavy eyelids and looked in the direction of the familiar voices. After taking a moment to adjust to the light, her eyes finally focused on the outlines of two figures standing just beyond her bedroom doorway in the kitchen.
“Thank you for all your help, Sigewinne.”
“It’s no problem at all, Monsieur Neuvillette, though you should’ve called me over much sooner than you did. It could’ve saved Lady Furina a bit of suffering.”
Furina recalled Neuvillette being here when she fell asleep, but she couldn’t quite place why Sigewinne would be here as well.
“My apologies,” Neuvillette replied to the head nurse with a curt bow of deference. “I had a lapse in judgment.”
“No worries, all’s well in the end. Since you’re here now, I must be heading back for an appointment with a patient, but when Lady Furina wakes, make sure to instruct her to drink the medicine twice a day for at least a week, as much as would fit in this glass each time. She should rest plenty, and take care to avoid any unnecessary stressors. I’ll come and check in after a few days.”
“I’ll accompany you on your way.”
Both Neuvillette and Sigewinne disappeared from Furina’s field of vision, and she allowed herself to fully sit up once she heard the sound of her door being opened and closed.
The pain in her body was still present but much subdued, and the temperature of her room no longer felt capable of freezing her to her core.
She wasn’t entirely well by any means, but her mind had recovered enough sense to desire an explanation for the Melusine’s presence. She had explicitly told Neuvillette not to call her over. Had he blatantly disobeyed her wishes? He wouldn’t unless he was pushed to desperation, but she hadn’t felt like she was in a bad enough shape to warrant such a thing.
Then it hit her. A sneaking suspicion. A distant, nebulous memory of a dream that may not be a dream at all.
If it really was not a figment of her imagination, then...
Her face turned hot at her dawning realization just as she heard the cadence of Neuvillette’s footsteps approaching from outside her apartment. Not knowing how to handle this new piece of information, she laid her head back down with her face turned to the wall, shut her eyes, and dared not move a muscle.
The door opened, and the sound of his footsteps grew louder and closer until it stopped, right next to her bed. She was convinced her plan to bide time was working until he spoke. “Do you not wish to talk to me?”
Her eyes snapped wide open, and she whipped around to face him. “How’d you know I was awake?”
“Your breathing pattern was different.”
“Right,” she muttered, not quite meeting his eyes. “Sorry, I just didn’t know what to say. I was embarrassed to face you again.”
“Why?”
“I really thought I was dreaming before, so I was just spouting all those things about fairness and wanting to kiss you — but not that they weren’t true, I just wouldn’t have been so shameless about — or I mean — ” She stopped her rambling, aware of its incoherence, and took a moment before speaking more slowly, “What I’m trying to say is that I did some things I wouldn’t normally do, and now I’m unsure how you’d react to all of it.”
“I didn’t think you were shameless,” he remarked, head slightly tilted with obvious confusion written across his face. “And you already know how I’d react, don’t you? You saw it.”
“Yes I guess so, but it wasn’t — I, I don’t know, haven’t you been embarrassed before?” She shot back, eager for the line of questioning to be over with.
“No,” he said, eliciting a laugh of incredulity and unexpected amusement from Furina. He pressed on, “But if you don’t know what to say just yet, then how about I speak?”
She gestured for him to continue.
“I will admit I’m not entirely sure how to begin either, so forgive my scattered thoughts, but I do want to confess that I’ve lied to you.”
“About what?” Color began to drain from her face. She braced herself for the worst.
“Your job. I’d asked you to help me not because I needed reassurance that my judgments were sound,” he said, and she let out a deep breath. “It was to help you find purpose again. To use your words, it was only fair after everything. At least, that was what I told myself and what I had believed.”
Furina had no idea what Neuvillette would sound like when he was nervous, but this seemed a close enough approximation.
“But lately, for some reason, I’ve been riddled with much more self-doubt than I’d like, and it’s led me to think maybe I had some ulterior motive. One that I hadn’t been willing to admit to myself.”
“And did you?”
“Yes, I wanted you to stay, so I sought to give you a reason for it,” he said plainly. “That wasn’t so hard for me to accept compared to what followed.”
Despite knowing some sort of catch would inevitably come, Furina was moved, especially when he reached a hand out towards hers until his index finger was barely brushing against her pinkie. She accepted his bid and fully took his hand into hers.
“I couldn’t stop questioning if I were allowed to feel that way. Was it okay to wish not to be parted from you? And to like your touch, even something as simple as this?” He brushed his thumb over hers. “I don’t think I’m supposed to. When I asked myself if I would act this way for anyone else, the answer was a resounding no, and that’s the very definition of being biased, isn’t it?”
She didn’t refute him.
“The moment you kissed me for the first time was when I realized I had lost the ability to judge you. If you were to stand before me in trial one more time in the Opera Epiclese, I’m certain it would tear me to pieces.” He smiled at her weakly and chuckled, which made her chest ache. “How can I call myself fit to judge a nation if I can’t even do it for a single person?”
“I promise to stay out of trouble so you won’t have to.”
Neuvillette laughed as she had intended, but the moment quickly passed, and his voice grew serious once more. “Even if you do, that still doesn’t absolve me. Wouldn’t it still mean the Iudex is as selfish as anyone else? That his decisions can be swayed by emotions like anyone else?”
Knowing he wasn’t directing the question at her this time, Furina remained quiet.
“I was thankful, frankly, when you chose to ignore what happened between us, which meant I could as well. I tried to resume normalcy and to mend my perception of myself to the best of my abilities. For a while, it worked.” He sighed softly, his resignation made clear, but the timbre of his voice finally evened out as he said, “When you asked to kiss me again, almost every part of me screamed for me to say no, but I also knew if I didn’t give in, you would’ve haunted me for the rest of your life and mine.”
Unwittingly, she grasped his hand so tightly with hers that her knuckles glistened white. Only when she realized she must be causing him physical pain did she loosen her hold.
“I’m so practiced at hearing other people reason over their feelings and beliefs in the courtroom, and yet I cannot properly reconcile my own,” he mused. “Is this what embarrassment feels like?”
She searched her mind for something to say that could possibly ease his mind, only to find all her witticisms gone.
“Well, I can’t say I enjoy it,” he said, taking her silence as affirmation. “But still, despite all that I feel, I cannot easily forsake my duty and responsibilities to Fontaine, nor to the person I thought I was. So, what am I to do?”
Furina’s own worries began to seem small rather under the grandeur of his. There was much she wanted to convey in return, but she knew no words could do her justice in the moment. But, they would come in time, so for now, this would be enough, “Maybe we can figure it out together.”
Her sentiment was unfortunately diluted by an unceremonious sneeze at the end, but Neuvillette’s gaze and stiff posture softened nonetheless. “I should’ve asked earlier, but how are you feeling? Much better, I hope?”
“Yes, to the point I can manage to beat Paimon in a fight now.”
“I’m glad,” he replied, relief palpable. “It hadn’t occurred to me before that you were now capable of becoming ill. And that you could...leave so soon, just as I’d begun to put that thought aside.”
Furina sensed he was dancing around the word death like it were a jinx. With the most lighthearted tone she could usher up, she said, “I won’t though. I’ve realized there are too many things keeping me here.”
A shadow fell across his face. “But it may not be within your control.”
She faltered. “Well, ah, I did wish on that shooting star for me to get enough time to do everything I want, remember? And I do want to stay for a while, so maybe that counts for something.”
“What if wishes are nothing more than fluff?”
“That could be true,” she finally relented. “Then I suppose like you said, I might not have a choice in the matter.”
He started to speak, then stopped himself, only to change his mind again and asked with an intensity she didn’t expect, “What would you do if, say, you did have a choice?”
